Nelson-Jones, R. (2013). Managing resistance. In Introduction to counselling skills (4th ed.) (pp. 94-97). SAGE.
Resistance may be broadly defined as anything that clients put in the way of the counselling and helping process. Resistance comprises clients’ feelings, thoughts and communications that frustrate, impede, slow down and sometimes stop the process. Reluctance, which is unwillingness or disinclination on the part of potential or actual clients to enter into the process, is an aspect of being resistant. Some clients do not see the need for help. They reluctantly see counsellors to meet others’ wishes: for instance, children sent by teachers or parents, or substance abusers and perpetrators of domestic violence sent by the courts. Many clients are ambivalent about discussing their problems. At the same time as wanting change, many may have anxieties about changing from their safe and known ways and also about the counselling and helping process: for instance, revealing personal information. Furthermore, clients may resist counsellors whose behaviour is too discrepant from their expectations and from what they think they need.
The following are some suggestions for understanding and dealing with resistance early on in counselling and helping. Many of these skills are also relevant for later sessions and contacts. Because there are so many variations and reasons for resistance within the broad range of contexts in which counselling students use introductory counselling skills, it is impossible to cover all contingencies.
Use Active Listening Skills
Counselling skills students may wrongly attribute the sources of clients’ resistance by being too quick to blame them for lack of cooperation and progress. Beginning and even more experienced helpers may both sustain and create clients’ resistance through poor listening skills. Resistance can be a normal part of the early stages of helping. By using good active listening skills, you can do much to build the trust needed to lower resistance. Some clients’ resistance manifests itself in aggression. Rather than feeling the need to justify yourself and risk becoming sucked into competitive contests, one approach to handling such aggression is to reflect it back, locating the feelings clearly in the client, but indicating loud and clear that you have picked up the anger. Where clients provide reasons for their hostility, you can reflect these too. Counselling skills students, by just showing clients that you understand their internal frames of reference, especially if this is done consistently, can diminish resistance.
Join with Clients
Sometimes counselling skills students can lower clients’ resistance by helping them to feel that they have a friend at court. For instance, you can initially listen and offer support to children expressing resentment about parents.
| Tony: | I think coming here is a waste of time. My mum and dad keep picking on me and they are the ones who need help. |
| Counselling skills student: | You feel angry about coming here because your parents are the people with problems. |
| Tony: | Yeah [and then proceeds to share his side of the story]. |
In the above instance, the counselling skills student accepted Tony’s focus on parental deficiencies and used his need to mention parental injustices to build the counselling relationship. Were the client to continue to complain about his parents, after an appropriate period of time the student might have built up enough trust and goodwill either for Tony to focus on his own behaviour of his own accord or for the student to assist him to make this switch.
Give Permission to Discuss Reluctance and Fears
If counselling skills students receive overt or subtle messages from clients that they have reservations about being seen, the agenda can be discussed in the open and given clients permission to elaborate. In the following example, a trainee parole officer responds to a juvenile delinquents’ seeming reluctance to disclose anything significant.
| Parole officer: | I detect you are unwilling to open up to me because I’m your parole officer. If I’m right, I’m wondering what specifically worries you about that? |
Where appropriate, counselling skills students can also give clients permission to discuss differences in their characteristics, for instance culture and race, that may make it harder for some clients to participate.
Invite Cooperation
Establishing good collaborative working relationships with clients both prevents and also overcomes much resistance. Counselling skills students can make statements early on in the counselling process that can aim to create the idea of a partnership, a shared endeavour in which work is undertaken together to assist clients to deal with their problems and thus to lead happier and more fulfilled lives.
Enlist Client Self-Interest
Counselling skills students can assist clients to identify reasons or gains for them of participating in counselling and helping. For instance, children who perceive their parents as picking on them and as the ones with problems can be assisted to see that they themselves might be happier if they had better skills for coping with their parents. Furthermore, questions that challenge clients with the adequacy of their own behaviour may enlist self-interest. Such questions include, ‘Where is your current behaviour getting you?’ and ‘How is that behaviour helping you?’ Questions that encourage clients to think about goals are also useful: for example, ‘What are your goals in the situation?’ and ‘Wouldn’t you like to be more in control of your life?’
Reward Silent Clients for Talking
Some clients find it difficult to talk whether or not they are with counsellors and helpers. Others may find it particularly difficult to talk to you. Without coming on too strong, counselling skills students can respond more frequently and more obviously. For example, you may use more small rewards when clients talk. In addition, you can offer encouragement by reflecting and making the most of what clients say. Furthermore, you can reflect the difficulty certain clients have in talking, even though they may not have verbalized this themselves.
Counselling skills students require sensitivity to the pace at which different clients can develop the trust required for a good working alliance. Clients who feel pressured may become even more resistant and reinforce rather than lower their defenses. Flexibility, realism and tact are important attributes for dealing with reluctant and resistant clients.
