Understanding emotional intelligence

Some people say they would never let their emotions affect their decision-making – that they always make decisions based purely on facts and figures. However, we know this is not how humans are wired to operate; on the contrary, our emotions will, in all likelihood, impact our decision making particularly in the workplace. In an article by Tony Schwartz, “The Importance of Naming Your Emotions, “the author discusses how we underestimate the role our emotions play in the decision-making process because they tend to run subconsciously as we engage in our daily activities (Schwartz, 2020).¹

When looking at the impact emotions can have on us, we need to consider the following. Humans are emotional beings, and feelings are meant to be spoken about rather than left to willow beneath the surface.

Many of us supress negative emotions especially when we are at work. However, supressing them really only makes matters worse. The issue remains and it starts to infiltrate many of the daily tasks we carry out. In the workplace, it is essential to recognise our own emotions and that of those around us. While they may not talk about what is bothering them, their behaviour and body language tell us everything we need to know. This is referred to as “name it or tame it” by psychologist Dan Siegel.²

Understanding our emotional impact

Each emotion we have is a call to action. They are part of the human experience that helps us survive. We need to understand our emotions and how they impact those around us to help us perform at our best - in both social and workplace settings. In today’s world, if we are not equipped to recognise our emotions, they can come out in dysfunctional ways and limit our success in the workplace. We spend a great deal of time working so we must consider the impact our emotions have on us and others in this space in order to help create a positive workplace for everyone.

Let’s begin with recognising the wonderful world of emotions!

Recognising emotions

We all experience emotions or feelings at different times for different reasons. Feelings are more than just happy, sad or angry. They come with complexity and trigger deeper feelings beneath the surface of face value. Imagine your feelings like an iceberg. We see the top of the iceberg but not what is under the water. Beneath the water is where you will find the complex nature of our feelings. When performing at our best, particularly in the workplace, we are driven by feelings of confidence, enthusiasm and optimism- all feelings beneath the surface. It is a motivating and driving force to continue to perform better. On the other hand, when we are not performing at our best or experiencing feelings of sadness and anger, several feelings are willowing under the surface, such as disappointment, frustration, and anxiety. When these feelings are present, more often than not, our performance continues to diminish and, left unresolved, will soon become a blocker, making tasks challenging to complete.¹

As you become more familiar with emotions, it is crucial never to assume the feelings of individuals. Many people try to mask their emotions with the reassurance of being ‘fine’; however, their behaviours and performance of tasks might suggest otherwise. As a manager, you should always be mindful of the team's behaviours and prepare yourself to support them when they need it.

The power of optimism and its influence on success

Research suggests that people with high levels of optimism tend to have better outcomes. Research also suggests that those with higher levels of optimism are better at selling and that this emotional strength can be sought after in sales staff.³

• Optimism leads to stronger self-belief and determination to persist and succeed.
• Negative emotions leave us stuck and closed-off to opportunities.

Emotional intelligence is defined as the ability to recognise, identify, understand, manage, and harness their own emotions and those of the people around them. EI is a vital skill for interpersonal communication and has become an area of interest across multiple disciplines, including the workplace.⁴

Let’s take a look at factors that influence our emotional intelligence.

Triggers

When building awareness, it is essential to consider triggers. But what is a trigger? A trigger is a circumstance where certain emotions are prompted or stirred up. Triggers can be as simple as songs, objects, or people. Emotional triggers are highly personal and contextual. They can affect different people in different ways. It is important to identify certain triggers so we can alter or emotionally respond appropriately, ergo, building self-awareness.

Self-awareness

Cultivating self-awareness means you learn to recognise your internal feelings, motives, and desires. When we recognise our internal dialogue, we then choose whether to act on them or not. When we are unaware of our inner dialogue, we do not choose; we react rather than proact in situations. In other words, self-awareness gives us more information on what is happening ‘in the moment’ between our environment and our feelings so that we can be proactive and make an informed decision rather than be reactive and suffer huge losses and opportunities in the workplace.

Let’s learn more about self-awareness so that we can begin to cultivate emotional intelligence. You cannot manage your emotions if you cannot recognise the different emotions you experience.

The following table identifies some emotional triggers, physical and emotional responses or behaviours, and some strategies to reduce the intensity.

Awareness of Own Emotional Triggers	Physical Responses to Emotional Triggers	Behavioural Responses to Emotional Triggers	Reducing intensity
Although people can share some emotional triggers, they can be highly personal and individual. Learn to recognise the triggers which may prompt particular emotions in yourself.	People respond in different ways to strong emotional triggers. The following examples would match with triggers related to emotions such as fear, anger, distress, or concern. Sweaty palms Tight chest Rapid breathing Red face Increased heart rate Headache Abdominal upsets	Along with physical changes, behavioural changes often occur in response to a trigger. Some people become very adept at controlling their behaviours and can learn to show a different behaviour outwardly compared to what they are experiencing internally. Some people are very good at reading body language and can determine emotional responses and feelings by looking at behaviour, facial expression and other outward signals. Listed are external signals of internal struggles: Pacing Fidgeting Change in voice tone, pitch, or speed Folding arms Tight shoulders Change to facial expression or body language.	Include emotional language and observations in a reflection journal. Writing your emotions, triggers and reflections can reduce the intensity of the emotion you’re feeling. This is because you identify your emotional response and acknowledge it rather than pushing it down below the surface, where they fester and eventually bubble up to the surface in unintended behaviours. Encouraging others to do the same helps build awareness across the team about how emotions impact decision-making and actions.

Knowledge check

Answer the following question to test your knowledge.

A critical factor in being a great leader is understanding the importance of emotional intelligence and its role in leadership, whether that be in the workplace or any other team environment. Intelligence was once seen as only referring to cognitive ability, but now the concept is seen as being far broader and refers to how emotionally intelligent people are. EI can be taught and built over time and with purposeful, deliberate skill development.

Where emotional intelligence began

The work of understanding emotional intelligence (EI) began with Daniel Goleman. Goleman wrote that there are four aspects of emotional intelligence. In addition, building stronger emotional intelligence helps build stronger, more effective teams.

The following video introduces Goleman’s idea of emotional intelligence.

Within the workplace, policies and procedures exist to set the foundations of what and how things are done. They are used to outline the purpose and detail the processes for many different programs, such as Work Health and Safety, Privacy and Confidentiality, Standard Operating Procedures, Mental health and wellbeing just to name a few. Some organisations have policies and procedures to increase awareness and promote personal development in relation to emotional intelligence.

These documents are available to staff to complete should they need to document specific information concerning EI or workplace stressors.

Policies and procedures should be accessible to all staff through an intranet or other file-sharing system.

The following are some examples of mental health and wellbeing policies and procedures. Click each link to view each example. 

• Resources for Employers: Employer mental health policy template
• Employsure Mental Health Policy Template

Employee Assistance Program

Most businesses should be equipped with an Employee Assistance Program (EAP). The EAP is a specifically designed program implemented to help support all employees' emotional, mental and general psychological wellbeing. EAPs are also equipped to offer support services to immediate family members.

An EAP aims to provide preventive and proactive interventions for the early identification and resolution of work and personal problems that may adversely affect performance and wellbeing.

Various factors can trigger undesired emotional responses. Some of these may include the following:

• relationships
• health
• trauma
• substance abuse
• gambling and other addictions
• financial problems
• depression
• anxiety disorders
  • psychiatric disorders
  • communication problems
  • legal and coping with change.

As a manager you will need to carry out responsibility for making yourself and your employees aware there is an EAP (employee assistance program) in place. The EAP is an invaluable tool that should be utilised and encouraged where appropriate.⁵

The following is an example of an EAP. Click the link to view the example. 

NSW Health Employee Assistance Program

Daniel Goleman is a key writer in the field and is generally credited with coining the term emotional intelligence (EI), which consists of the following four aspects.

1. Self-awareness.
2. Social awareness.
3. Self-management.
4. Relationship-management.

Let us look at each aspect in more detail.

Aspect ONE: Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the ability to identify your emotions, especially when emotions are running high. It requires being attuned to your internal dialogue and recognising the range of emotions you experience. Many of us often say things we do not mean out of anger or frustration; this EI skill allows you to evaluate your current emotional state to make better decisions (specifically when you are experiencing negative emotions).

The following are examples of the key characteristics of self-awareness.

• recognising own moods/feelings, motivations, and their effect on others
• acknowledge and accept the feeling you are experiencing
• understanding of how and why we feel a certain way.

Aspect TWO: Social Awareness

Social awareness is the ability to identify emotions in others. Once you can recognise the range of emotions you are experiencing, especially when you are triggered, you can then recognise them in others.

This EI skill allows you to change how you react because you can identify when someone is experiencing negative emotions and choose the right response.

The following are key characteristics that indicate you exhibit social awareness.

• You will notice other’s emotions and assess the situations appropriately.
• You will be able to sense what others think or feel and demonstrate empathy- that is, putting yourself in their shoes.
• Demonstrate consideration for the feelings of others and respond appropriately.

Aspect THREE: Self-Management or self-regulation

Self-management is the ability to regulate and control your own emotions once you have learned to identify what you are experiencing at any particular moment.

For example, suppose you were triggered in a conversation, rather than sitting with those negative feelings. In that case, you employ strategies that allow you to alleviate those negative emotions so that you do not lash out at work.

The following are key characteristics of self-management/self-regulation.

• You demonstrate self-control when faced with impulses, actions/reactions to feelings
• You are able to anticipate consequences before acting/reacting to triggers.

Aspect FOUR: Relationship Management

Relationship management is the ability to use emotional intelligence effectively in any interaction with others at work or in social settings.

This EI skill allows you to connect with your empathetic side and use empathy to connect with others. This skill will enable you to develop good interpersonal skills that can help you build relationships and become an exceptional leader.

With remote and hybrid working models, increased reliance on technology and decreased face-to-face interaction, now more than even more than ever leaders need to better understand and empathise so that they can effectively negotiate with others to build teams and close deals.

The following are key characteristics of relationship management.

• You are able to recognise how others feel and control your reactions to their negative behaviour.
• You can recognise how others feel and control their actions/reactions by turning them into a positive direction.
• You can influence others around to make appropriate or good decisions.
• You are able to work collaboratively with others.

So how does one assess their emotional quotient EQ? There are several tests available where you can set your own levels of EQ. Quizzes are often made up of images, multiple-choice questions, and possible scenarios to test how well you respond to certain situations that warrant an emotional response.

Tools for assessing emotional intelligence

You can use various quizzes and tools to assess your emotional intelligence.

The following list provides you with some quizzes you can answer to assess your emotional intelligence.

• Mind Tools
• Global foundation emotional intelligence test
• Greater Good magazine- test your emotional intelligence

In addition to these quizzes, you may need to develop a contextualised self-evaluation/ self-reflection at some stage. This can be used as a manager and distributed to the team to help support their emotional intelligence.

Developing self-reflections and assessments plans

If you don’t take time to reflect and evaluate past behaviours, then how can you identify ways to improve your performance?

Our most valuable lessons come from our past experiences and are the stepping stones to personal and professional growth. Reflections play an integral role in the workplace but are not limited to leaders. Reflections should be encouraged to be used by all staff.

Reflecting helps us review our behaviour and decisions. We use them as the opportunity to look back and recognise where things went wrong, and the times we should have listened rather than waiting to be heard. These skills can help leaders improve their performance and their team's performance because they take the time to invest in their most significant asset, human capital! Reflecting allows us to learn valuable lessons if we take the time to learn those lessons. When practicing emotional intelligence, there should always be an opportunity for self-reflection. Self-reflections are to be made available to all staff and employees. Management should ensure they have developed such documents in line with company policies and procedures.

Evaluation criteria

A benchmark needs to be set to determine strengths or weaknesses. This is done by identifying some evaluation criteria and developing a reference standard. Two key elements for setting evaluation criteria are:

1. Relevant: It reflects the correct/best way of doing things.
2. Effective: It supports me in achieving my objectives.

Criteria breakdown

Emotional intelligence evaluation tools are skill-based assessments based on the four key EI components already introduced (see “The four aspects of emotional intelligence"), Let us take a look at the details of an evaluation criteria. Each aspect of emotional intelligence has been broken down and provides you with examples of how to manage each when evaluating.

Self-awareness

1. Identify your emotions accurately
   • Name the emotion you are feeling according to the context, are you angry, frustrated, upset, happy, anxious.
2. Understand the basis for your reactions
   • Consider the triggers or context. For example, you may have had an uncomfortable conversation with a team member informing them their contract will not be renewed. This context would validate your feelings of being upset, sad, concerned, and anxious.
3. Understand how your reactions impact others
   • When you are stressed or frustrated, this can often come in the form of anger. If you are not in check, you may lash out at others raising your voice or come across as passive-aggressive. This will have an impact on others as they may feel embarrassed or devalued.
4. Understand how other people’s emotions impact you.
   • Empathetic people often feel the emotions of others, when you can see your team thriving and happy, that feeling is often contagious and vice versa. Pay attention to your own emotions when you are in the presence of positivity and negativity.

Self-management

1. Managing stress
   • Stress management looks different for everyone. Consider what works best for you for example:
     • Remain calm rather than acting or saying something unprofessional or inappropriate.
     • Practice mindfulness be aware of your emotions acknowledge they are there, and appropriately respond, For example, breathwork or go for a walk.
     • Talk it out with a co-worker or family and friends.
     • Go for a walk to clear your head.
2. Self-regulating your emotions
   • Similar to stress management, this will look different to everyone. You may wish to:
     • Take deep breaths
     • Excuse yourself and walk away for a few moments to calm down and return once you have reset.
     • Jot down your emotions in a reflection journal
     • Talk to someone, whether other management, co-workers or a resource obtained from the EAP depending on the severity of your emotions.
     • Practice positive self-talk, negate negative self-talk with positive affirmations and focus on your strengths, not your weaknesses. “I am capable, I am resilient.”
     • Complete a self-awareness survey.
3. Managing frustration and anger
   • Avoid confrontation wherever possible.
   • Walk away when you feel your frustration is heightening- this ties in with understanding your feelings, as soon as you can feel the anger rising, walk away and calm down before dealing with the situation.
4. Making decisions in stressful situations
   • Wait to make a decision when you are feeling angry, frustrated or driven by another emotion- decision making needs to be made with a clear head.
   • Consult others if you are unsure if the decision you are making is rational or emotion driven
   • Write a list of pros and cons for the decision you need to make and the impact it may have.

Social awareness

1. Understanding others’ emotions
   • Practice empathy, imagine yourself in their shoes.
   • Understand the context that has triggered this emotional response.
   • Proactive rather than reactive. This means choosing the right response depending on the situation.
   • Read the situation. Sometimes the best response may warrant giving another individual time and space to calm down. You can offer a quiet room for them to calm down, stay with them, or respect their time and check back in after a few minutes.
2. Responding to others who are distressed
   • Arrange a time for them to speak with you privately.
   • Listen carefully, maintain eye contact, and use appropriate body language.
   • Validate and acknowledge their feelings, using phrases such as “I can understand how this would have upset you” or “I can see why you are feeling frustrated”
   • Offer support if it is within your power to do so, perhaps weekly check ins to ensure they are coping. If this is out of your area of expertise, offer reassurance and refer to the EAP.
3. Being flexible and adaptable
   • Avoid being rigid and unwilling to make small adjustments.
   • Where possible, make small changes according to the needs of the individual. Work from home days and work from the office.
4. Overcoming barriers to action (others’ emotions).
   • Focus on the facts and what you have seen. Try and use specific examples rather than directing the focus toward personality traits.
   • Alter your thinking to curiosity rather than immediate judgement. Consider why someone behaves in a particular manner, whether they are stressed or has something happened at home or in the workplace to trigger undesired behaviours.
   • Complete reflections on recognising social cues.

Relationship management

1. Communicating assertively
   • Consider your verbal and nonverbal communication including tone and vocabulary.
     • Be mindful of your facial expressions and body language. Avoid eye rolling, folded arms and standing over others- this gives a message of intimidation or disinterest.
     • Be conscious it is not what you say, rather how you say it.
   • Respectively, you will need to be firm and fair without being condescending or yelling at others- this should be avoided period.
2. Giving and receiving negative feedback
   • Apply the sandwich approach, start with a positive, address the negative and finish with a positive.
   • Do not make feedback personal and do not take it personally. Focus on the facts only rather than the individual.
3. Managing conflict
   • If the conflict involves multiple parties, meet with them and listen to their version of events, invite them to share their experience and distress.
   • Mediation may be required here, you will need to arrange meetings to manage the conflict, inviting relevant personnel including additional management, a support person and Human Resources.
   • Gather as much information as you can- then focus on the facts rather than he said/ she said/they said.
4. Influencing others positively
   • Ask meaningful and open-ended questions, for example, how are you feeling?
   • Refrain from judgement
   • Show genuine interest
   • Actively listen through:
     • Maintaining eye contact
     • Monitoring body language
     • Avoid interrupting when others are speaking and sharing their version of events
   • Allow for silence to ensure the listener has understood what you have said.
   • Encourage self-reflections

Self-Assessment Template

Self-assessment templates should be accessible to those within a workplace. They are not limited to individual groups, on the contrary, they should be completed individually by everyone. The templates will usually have various sections that need to be completed in line with what criteria is being assessed. It is important to answer these truthfully as they are designed to help you reflect. Usually, this would be attached to the appendix of a policy and procedure document, which should already be accessible to all staff.

It is important to remember not all of these documents will look identical, they may look different depending on your organisation and their chosen formatting.

The following is a simplified example of self-assessment template according to the discussed evaluation criteria.

	Aspect of emotional intelligence	Yes	No	Descripition of why or why not	How would you do this better next time?
1.	Did you identify your emotions?
2.	Did you understand the basis of your reactions?
3.	Did you understand how your reactions impact others?
4.	Did you understand how other people’s emotions impact you?
5.	Did you receive negative feedback appropriately?
6.	Did you manage your stress including anger and frustration?
7.	Did you practice self-regulation of your emotions?
8.	Did you make decisions under stress?
9.	Did you understand how others were feeling when they were distressed?
10.	Were you responsive to the distress of others?
11.	Were you flexible and adaptable?
12.	Did you communicate assertively?
13.	Did you provide negative feedback appropriately?
14.	Did you manage conflict appropriately?
15	Did you have a positive influence on others?

Assessment considerations

When you are developing a self-reflection or assessment, there are specific considerations you should factor in. Click on each of the following headings for more details.

Scenario

Steve Alfonso is the training manager at CBSA. Steve is responsible for a team of trainers, including Abbey and Tracey. Recently, there has been a high demand for trainers in marketing and communication. Steve has asked Abbey to develop a new training program for the Cert IV and Diploma of marketing and communication, on top of training and assessing her students.

Abbey prides herself in taking the initiative and accepts the additional workload to ensure she maintains this level of professional integrity; therefore, does not speak up about the workload.

Abbey is finding the increased workload stressful, along with some challenges at home with her husband, and she is struggling to run the house and work full time. With work and personal factors impacting Abbey’s mental health, she has become snappy and withdrawn from other colleagues.

Steve has been quite busy with his work and has not noticed Abbey’s change in behaviour. She had not said anything about the work becoming too much therefore assumes she is ok.

Tracey asked if she was feeling ok, and Abbey snapped at her telling her to mind her own business and move to a vacant office. Both concerned and fed up with Abbey’s responses, Tracey approaches Steve and tells him her concerns.

Activity-Emotional intelligence self-assessment

Based on the scenario, it was clear that Steve needed to enhance his emotional intelligence to help with social awareness.

Complete the following activity on the Workplace strategies for mental health to assess your emotional intelligence. Keep a note on the areas which you scored highly and where you can improve. The results of this quiz will provide you with the relevant information you need for areas of improvement.

IQ versus EQ

Many of us at some stage have participated in an Intelligence Quotient (IQ) test, but did you know, there are also tests you can participate in for assessing your Emotional Quotient (EQ)? It is important to understand why having a strong EQ is just as important as having a strong IQ, particularly when working with people and in a management position.

The following video outlines the key differences in EQ and IQ and which may be more important.

Personal competence versus social competence

As you learn more about emotional intelligence, you will discover that you must be adept at being self-aware to cultivate and increase your emotional intelligence. Once you can identify and regulate your own emotions, you will recognise the emotions others experience and then decide how to work with them for better outcomes. This means managing others’ emotions; you recognise what others might be experiencing internally to help guide you with the steps you need to take to diffuse any situations while building relationships.

Let’s learn more about personal competence and social competence.

Personal Competence

• Awareness of own emotions.
• Ability to regulate own emotions.

Social Competence

• Awareness of the emotions of others.
• Ability to guide and support others in regulating their emotions.